Balancing my Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership

Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, however it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Whenever I start to date any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in significant heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost.

Every person’s sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.